The Jaded Barbie

My Windows 7 Experience

2009-10-31T13:23:00.001-07:00

OKay so October 22nd came and went and now we have Windows 7 on the market 'officially' (it was available pre-installed on computers prior to that). I got my copy the next day in the mail after having pre-ordered it back in June. I'd read multiple independent reviews and asked many of my friends who'd been using the Release Candidate about how it was working for them -- good marks from everybody.

There're those who say that "after Vista there wasn't much further to go" but to be honest, from what I've read, it was only their launch that was bad, "it got betta." User Access Control is a good thing to have and having your operating system verify actions with you is not a bad thing at all -- Linux does it all the time. But I'm too lazy to run around as a "standard" user on my computer, though I do not give most processes administrative rights.

So I backed up my files to my secondary drive that night and come morning I wiped my drive and installed Windows 7 Professional 64-bit edition. It was a very, very smooth install. My computer was up and running in about 30 minutes and everything was working -- I had Internet access, my monitors were working, and it'd found drivers for everything. The only thing I lost was an 8+ year old Epson Perfection 1250 scanner, which only has drivers for the 32-bit version of Windows 7 (Jen's scanner actually suffered the same fate). With some work all of my programs were back on the computer and my AntiVirus of choice (BitDefender) was up and running. Some people claim they don't like the Aero interface but I love it. I love the glass-like appearance. I like how windows fade in and out of transparency when a program loads or closes. It's very clean, for the most part.

I have had some issues, undeniably, but every OS (EVERY) has its quirks. There was a service, apparently, that got loaded in when I put Office back on here. It prevented my computer from accessing the Network adapter on login so I was having to constantly disable and re-enable the device. However, a quick search found a remedy to the problem and the service has been disabled. I repeated the same on Jen's computer to prevent it from becoming an issue with her, since she wouldn't know how to deal with her network adapter having problems.

Aion, the MMORPG I am currently playing, is quirky. I find myself having to use Shift + F12 in some areas to avoid random crashes. But I'm trying to find a method of solving this.

If there's one thing I wish Windows 7 had, it would be support for different backgrounds on the screen if you have multiple monitors. With Windows 7 I lost the use of NVidia's NView which allowed this to happen and it doesn't seem to be a native feature of 7 and it's something I rather enjoy on my Fedora box at work. Oh well. THe slideshow is a lot of fun. :)

Do you have a brother?

2009-08-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

I really shouldn't mess with people's heads, but I couldn't help the opportunity to.

As I was checking out at Harris Teeter (I'd bought some carrots, cucumbers and some eel sushi) using the self-checkout machines, the attendant there (whom I had gone to school with) comes up to me and asks me if I have a brother. I told him I have a little brother. He helps me with the item codes for my unmarked items [carrots & cucumbers] and walks off for a bit, then comes back. "So you don't have a bigger brother? There was a guy I knew and we went to school together." I shook my head no (after all, I don't have a bigger brother, 'truthfully').

As I grabbed my bag to leave he stops in front of me again and says "his name was [my old name]." To that I finally responded, "yes, I know. My name's Jae'da Berry, we're the same person." Then I gave him an effeminate wave, and walked out.

I think in the background I might have heard something about being a girl, but I don't know. I had to laugh all the way home, even though I know it was mean. I like playing mind games!

Did Somebody Say McDonald's?

2009-05-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

As I was returning home from my run today (on my third mile of an attempted 3 mile run, although they were not 3 consecutive miles -- I had to stop and walk for a short time before each additional mile) I noticed that as I approached the McDonald's on the corner of my neighborhood a few people in the window were watching me [and it wasn't paranoia].

I started jogging again to finish up and cool down and as I passed by, about 6 - 7 guys stepped out of the entrance and watched me go by. Seriously. And though I couldn't hear the majority of what they were saying, I think they were speculating what I was (that and I overheard "That look[sic] like a man"). Seriously. Two staff members and four+ patrons stepped out near the door to watch me go by and speculate.

What, have you never seen a 6' 5 tranny in a sports bra and short shorts run by (probably not, not too many black girls go running in this area).

Try to be less obvious!

And in my defense... I have PLENTY of room for appearance improvement still. I'm not worried.

It's a good morning!

2009-04-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Today has started off wonderfully today. First of all it's a nice, warm, sunny day out to follow up on a stormy night. Then I went to the McDonald's up the street from my apartment on the way to work because I was running late and I don't like to go to the cafeteria to get breakfast after they stop serving lunch (even though one of the workers there has given me express permission to do so).

This morning is a Bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddle morning. The drive-thru clerk called me "Ma'am," which already starts me off to a good day because typically when I'm identified by voice only I'm gendered male [gotta work on that]. After that, pulling up to the pick-up window I noticed I had $1.12 in change when I gave her $5 for a $4.88 bill so I returned the extra dollar [she called me honest, but I'd do it anyway]. The Manager who showed up at the window (he'd also shown up at the cashier window) handed me my order and wished me a good day and called me his "Sister" ("my sistah," to be exact).

So today's going pretty well, which is nice, it makes up for the dark and gloomy feeling I had when I was putting on my make-up... as the words "did you see that thing with make-up?" from the Angie Zapata murder case have been repeating over and over again in my head since last night.

Acceptance

2009-04-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

I have a question to anyone believes that you cannot alter your own fate. This question is particularly aimed at those to whom a transgender's existence is considered "wrong," "impossible," "disgusting," or any other number of ignorant terms.

We will use one example for this, but it can apply to any religion. You are not Christian when you are born, so how does one become Christian, and why should anyone else accept you as Christian or your values or beliefs as legitimate or give any weight to your belief that you are saved, that you have accepted Jesus Christ as your saviour, that you believe in the tenets of the Bible, and that you believe in the existence of God?

When you are born you do not believe in anything, you must be taught religion. If you are not taught Christianity you will never come to know Christianity. You will not happen upon Christianity and you will not know the history of the Bible if you either do not find it or it is taught to you and you come to accept it is "truth."

This being true, how can you, as a Christian, or whatever you may be, claim that my right to believe that I am a woman, that I have felt for much of my life that something was amiss, that my outward appearance was hideous, and that I hated my presentation and how I am perceived, as "truth." If I am to believe that you are a Christian and that you have accepted and believe in Christianity, why then can you not accept that I am a trans woman, that I am a "she," and that these changes that I make to my outward appearance are necessary for my mental well-being (anyone who knows me in any great detail knows that I was self-destructive for many years due to my battle with Anorexia).

Granted that I believe in the tenets of Christianity and myself identify as Christian (however my interpretation of the Bible differs from many others -- I believe that we should live and let live, that we have all sinned, and that God wants us to help one another -- among many other things); ignoring this, why should I believe that you are what you say you are? If I were pagan, and you wanted to convert me to Christianity (so that I , too, could be saved), why should I accept your word or the word of the Bible as legitimate?

What if a human being is born absolutely grotesque and hideous, should we treat them as an outcast to society, an abomination that should be removed from this Earth, or should we accept them for who they are inside? They could be the most sincere, most thoughtful, most kind person on this Earth. Now what if that person learns of a surgery that can make them appear more normal? Are they not allowed to take it because they were not born that way? Should they merely accept a grotesque appearance with absolution that might make the average uninformed person cringe even if there is an option available to them that could make them more pleasant (if they wanted to do it)?

If you get cancer, should you treat it? If you get sick, should you take medication? Should you never ever wear make-up or cologne or comb your hair or make yourself presentable in any way?

We are what we are, and if you believe that you are born a man and you are a man, then you are a man. If you believe that you are born a woman and you are a woman, then you are a woman. But we are not born Christian, or Jewish, or Catholic, or Islamic, or Jedi, or anything. But if you believe that you are Christian, do you expect that I respond to you as though you are a Christian? There seems to be this big fuss that some people like to make about how some Doctors feel it is against their religion to prescribe Birth Control. So are you saying it should be your right not to prescribe birth control because your religion feels it is wrong but it is not my right to call myself a woman because you feel it is wrong based on your religion, but I am supposed to respect your religious views despite that you will not respect how I view my own soul and body?

What is the threat?

And for that matter, why does your definition of marriage deserve precedence over anyone else's in the eyes of the Federal Government? What is the threat?

Bathroom Break

2009-04-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Let's take a look at this bathroom debate that's going on in Massachussets.
http://is.gd/rg7g
(Don't expect this link to be available forever, it is a page from the Boston Herald, however).

I've seen a number of articles pop up on my Google News>Transgender section and I must say that it annoys the daylights out of me -- more so the comments that get posted in addition to the pages (but then again stupidity can always find a voice).

Reducing the transgender "bathroom" "issue" to "men in skirts entering the women's bathroom praying on women and children" is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You think some law is going to stop them from doing that if they really want to? But more importantly, looking at the issue in this manner simply builds not only on the homophobia and ignorance of society at large, but on the incredible visibility of trans women over that of trans men, who would be equally affected by an issue like this.

The "issue" here is that appending "gender identity" to a law concerning who goes in what bathroom based on how they present themselves will supposedly let any random guy put on a skirt, claim to be a woman, and waltz on into the women's bathroom and attack women. So let me get this straight: the society at large, who can't even tell that my wife is a woman simply because of her posture and her choice to wear "men's clothing" (loose shirts and pants [although we all know there is no such thing as "Men's clothing," there is merely "what men cannot wear" because it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to wear it]) is going to attempt to identify who is and isn't a "man" entering the women's bathroom.

Other articles claim that trans men are not an issue because they simply "belong" in the women's bathroom. So you're telling me that a mass of relatively unobservant idiots who can't tell a woman with a fairly good pair of breasts on her (they're much larger than mine at this juncture) from a man based on her clothes, is going to know the difference between a "woman" who has gone through hormone therapy to gain facial and body hair, a deeper voice, and may or may not have had chest surgery and breast removal -- from a "real" man (I use these terms incredibly loosely for the uneducated masses, the correct terms are 'trans man' and 'cissexual man')? Laughable!!

And here's the funny thing, it's only an issue with the women's bathroom. I've seen women jump into the men's bathroom before because "the line was shorter," but bring out the shot guns if the reverse ever happens. We all know all sorts of mystical stuff goes on in there, secrets that must not be revealed to the outside world -- or rather, to anything that has a penis or doesn't have a penis -- you wouldn't know if "it" does unless you performed a sex check on every single person who goes in and out of the bathroom. However, 'desiring' a penis [or not, not all trans men want bottom surgery] is a non-issue.

But please, we must keep this as an issue of "men in the women's bathroom." I certainly wouldn't want any perverts attacking any women or children. You know, like pedophiles or maybe a Senator or two tapping their foot in the next stall trying to find out if you're looking for sex... those don't exist at all in the men's bathroom at all. Nope, it's just "men in dresses," because as we all know, that's all a trans woman is, and as we also all know, that's all that exists in the transgender community.

But don't worry, if this law doesn't pass, I'm sure we can go back to being ever so adept at spotting the "fakes," and I'll continue to roll my eyes when someone calls my wife a "sir."

And if you happen to see me in the men's room and step back outside to triple-check which bathroom you entered (apparently I cause a lot of confusion), at least everyone's comfortable, am I right?

Append: http://is.gd/rhuS > As this article states there's never been a case of a transgender attacking someone in a bathroom. It's fear-mongering. The beginning of this article also touches on what I said earlier.

Fortune

2009-02-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

Trans women are a very interesting group. Belonging to this group brings with it an “unusually high” risk of sexual and physical assault from a number of places (which is one reason to seriously obey the law since prison is bad and police can be bad, too; so not having to deal with either would be good). I'm in a very small minority of that group I've found out as well. In my trans group I have found I am the only African American. Sure that is not to say there are not many more black transwomen out there, but unfortunately due to economics many of them are relegated to being sex workers in order to gain the money they need for transitioning. I'm very fortunate.

I'm well educated and have the means to provide not only for myself, but for my wife, at least currently (we'll see what happens with the economy) while also funding my transition. I would also venture to say that I am currently living in a relatively safe community. I haven't met anyone yet who is really “out to get me” or anyone out to perform any “queer bashing.” Then again I'm also married to a martial-artist so when I'm with her I'm not too worried about anything.

As for me, it appears that I can often pass without any real effort. I have very minute body modification. It's difficult to see my secondary sexual characteristics from a distance. Fortunately when I was growing up I starved myself to keep my weight and size down (fortunately?). I avoided the weight room and when I was not allowed to [avoid it] I stayed away from activities that I felt would build up my muscle mass [particularly shoulders, I didn't want shoulders]. It's paid off. I am very small for my height, and my weight is in line with a cissexual woman of my height. I'm finding I'm even more fortunate in that my shoe size is around a woman's 12. For being 6' 5... that's not bad at all! I've seen women far shorter than I who shop regularly in the 13's. A 13 slides off my foot. Having grown my hair out since hitting my 21st birthday (under the guise of “being different) I am now able to “wear” my hair in styles common to many black women, which seems to go a long way in “passing.” All I really really need to do is work on my voice.

The statistics I hear make me very sad and are quite unfortunate. I can't say though that they elevate my paranoia levels too much, though. I am wary, like I would imagine any woman would be, about travelling at night, but unlike [perhaps] a cissexual woman I am very aware of my “mortality” in crowds and a number of other locations, particularly if my wife is not present. Unfortunately in our society there is always that chance that I will be attacked for being “different.” I'm warned of places I shouldn't go due to my color, but as yet I haven't been warned of places I shouldn't go due to my sexuality. I guess we'll see.

Open Minded

2009-02-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

Today while I awaited my order at our local TotoY's I got into a discussion with the owner (at least I believe she is the owner) about transsexuality. She had asked me how I spelled my name to which I elaborated, and then showed her my Driver's License (despite the fact that I think the picture's awful, I'm still proud to have it in my name now). She was excited for me, as she spoke of how I had shown desire to have it updated.

From that discussion (after she'd shown me her driver's license and was not eager to have her picture updated [whereas she could understand mine]) she mentioned how when I was there to watch the Inauguration Speech I spoke about not being accepted in a few remarks. I do not remember what exactly I said, but I'm sure it was probably related to Pastor Rick Warren's television appearance (for those of you who are not aware he has previously in the past referred to those of the LGBT community as akin to pedophiles, in a manner of speaking). She mentioned that for her the issue was not a big deal because where she comes from transsexuality is more visible and more common so she had no problem seeing me as a “normal” person not unlike herself. The difference [she said] is that fewer people in the Filipines have access to money to do anything about it. I will elaborate more on this later. I'm familiar with the Filipino transsexual community to a degree because Jen has made many a remark about the community in the past. They even have a word for it. So this conversation only reinforced my knowledge of the subject. She went on to mention that she has several cousins who are gay, and one of them is a transsexual and that she intentionally exposed her children to him (I believe she meant to say 'her') so that they would have more of an open mind and a greater understanding.

Interesting. Imagine that. Teaching your children to be open-minded so that they can grow up to be ----- Open Minded.

A Couple of Gender-Benders

2009-02-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my wife and I went to a mall I had not been to before. It's much bigger than the one nearer to our house so I was excited to see what was there. Needless to say it was quite fun and it took us quite a while to walk around the whole mall -- both floors -- and to look through a number of the stores. Window shopping mostly but we did end up getting an Obama shirt or two and a plain hat.

As we walked through the mall she offered me her arm and I held onto it having been told that she does not mind. But I'll get to the point. Shortly before we left we stopped to get something to drink -- I had medication to take and she was thirsty. I suggested smoothies and so we stopped at the smoothie vendor.

The clerk took our orders and gave us our smoothies and she paid for them. He gave her the change and said "thank you, Sir" and we were on our way. I of course had to stop and text that little quirk to Twitter because I find it funny, whereas she said "I'm used to it."

We stopped at a Filipino restaurant after that for lunch on the way back home and reflected on the afternoon. She said there were several instances in which I was called "miss" and she was called "sir." Whereas I seem to see my imperfections and really have a difficult time seeing how she can be mistaken for a "man" I found that claim a little difficult to believe, however much I like it. She followed that up with "All throughout the mall people were probably thinking to themselves, damn that is one tall bitch, and that is one short dude."

Still it's interesting perhaps how much visual cues in this case may actually have mattered. I recently attended a Mary Kay party and the lady that ran the party said to the friend of mine that hosted the party afterward that though she didn't remember my name, "that tall black girl was really funny." So it begs a question. With so few changes visibly (my breasts, while there, do not show through a bra and multiple layers of clothes such as I had on that night), and just little bit of make-up to keep my facial complexion uniform and despite my lack of voice work, am I that passable?

And yet it's interesting how it may be race-related on both ends. My wife is a Filipino-Caucasian mix, and I am African American. Speaking frankly, there're some observations that African men and women share a very similar body structure (if thin) and Asian men and women often share a similar facial structure -- I guess if you don't know how to look at all.

Interestingly, no one has ever referred to her as a cross-dresser though the majority of the time she wears "male" clothing. Yet I'm quite sure that term has come up to describe me before.

Too much Politics

2008-12-05T12:10:00.001-08:00

A discussion in the break room today got me to thinking.

I spend most of my time on any particular day (on average over the week, I suppose) engrossed in political news. It was mentioned by a colleague that they can only stand 5 minutes of C-SPAN before they go crazy, and yet as I stood there and watched it I realized that I can turn this on and watch it for hours (granted I would probably also be half-doing something else). My supervisor mentioned that I am perhaps numbed to the process because I spend so much time paying attention to it and suggested that I am aging myself faster by paying so much attention to something that is obviously stress-inducing (sometimes you do just want to get up and smack some of these politicians around).

So let's see.
Monday - Thursday : 1 hour of Rachel Maddow, 1 hour of Jon Stewart + Stephen Colbert. 2 hours of punditry. Because of this I cannot catch the Monday Anime on the Sci-Fi channel, so I often DVR that. Wednesdays are South Park when the season is new, which is an additional 30 minutes of TV for 2.5 hours that day instead of 2.
The Comedy Central pair do not appear on Friday or over the weekends. I do not know yet if Rachel Maddow comes on Fridays, as this is the first week of watching her show (though I am already a fan). So far we're at about 9 hours of politically-based television of the average of maybe 11 that I may watch (I may catch something else, and also need to watch the anime I missed if I am interested).
Saturday is Naruto, Bleach, and Shin-Chan. That's about an hour and a half. Sunday isn't really much of anything right now.

This does not take into account that I spend down-time during the day at work reading through news stories on Reuters or on Google News (which is just a search of a bunch of other news sources). My homepage at work and at home is Reuters.com. I often read stories during the weekend, and during the evenings on weekdays.

And yet I'm not stressed about the goings-on anymore... though that is probably based more on the pills that I take. I'm so mellow these days that pre-HRT I probably could have exploded based on the stuff I read. You see what it's done to Jon Stewart. He's gone so gray; he's even posted shots showing the changes just from being on the air for 10 years. I don't want to be fully gray when I'm 35... but I like being informed. If there is one thing I have learned since I started watching the Daily Show it is that being informed about policy means you vote for the right decisions. Right now we as Americans are incredibly uninformed as a whole, and I don't want to fit into that demographic.

Let's look at one change of point that watching the news has brought me to: bailing out the automakers. It is curious that we tossed $700 Billion to bankers who are still not lending (if anything using it for corporate mergers and $300K executive meetings [ahem, Citigroup]) without holding them accountable for what they were going to do with that money... and yet we are grilling the Auto industry like the fractional amount of money they're requesting ($34 Billion is just a little more than 1/10th the amount loaned to Citigroup alone at $300 Billion [incidentally they're raising interest rates on their cardholders. Way to share that bailout, Citigroup!]) is worth so much more. Yes, the CEOs coming before Congress after taking private jets was audacious, but I wonder how many of those bankers carpooled either. And again, $300K executive meeting at a resort.

The average Auto worker makes less than the average banker, granted they're a lot more auto workers. As Stewart said, automakers still make cars when they lose money... bankers made nothing but imaginary assets.

A Shopping Experience with Children

2008-12-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

Earlier tonight I had a rather entertaining experience with a child. I stopped by WalMart on my way home to buy some long sleeve shirts because since switching my wardrobe this has been a weakspot, namely because I didn't fully transition my wardrobe until the summer time, and one typically does not think about winter clothes in the summer time.

Anyway, as I laid the clothes that I had picked out from the Women's Department down on the counter, the clerk remarked that one particular item was a "very pretty green." Now, this shirt is a beautiful green. It's shiny, and it's one of those deep greens that's not too deep but just green enough. This shirt was underneath the pile of shirts that I'd put on the counter. A family (or at least, several women, and at least one child, there may have been a man there but I did not look "back") approached and was waiting their turn in line. Though I only had 6 items finding the tags on each of these things proved to be a bit of a task for her.

I began to hear the child's voice. She said "Why is it girl stuff?" over and over again. From that distance and angle I'm not entirely sure how easy I am to clock me given the length of my hair, but the child did (I was not wearing any make-up and I'm well over six feet tall, so that probably does not help despite what I was wearing). I couldn't help but smile because the child kept asking the question repeatedly and from what I could tell no effort was made to vocally silence the child. Maybe some gesture was made, I do not know, I did not look. My hearing and eyesight are both above average ("excellent," no less) but I heard nothing. I was hoping that one of the parents would try to explain it under their breath. I was just as curious as she was.

The green shirt finally came up and several of the ladies behind me also decided to voice that the shirt was indeed a "pretty green" to which I turned and smiled an acknowledgement. I walked off with the bag of clothes and a trailing "Why is it girl stuff?" Poor kid, sexual complexities await your maturity. ;)

Separation of Church and State

2008-11-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

Recently I find myself asking a lot of questions in light of the news that is breaking across the world these days, particularly in the political spectrum.

Churches
Recently the Mormon Church (of California, I assume) spent $22Million to assist in the passage of Proposition 8, a ban on Gay Marriage in the state. Now, in an ordinary situation there would be nothing wrong with that. It's merely lobbying. People and groups do that. But here's the thing: churches are except from legal obligations such as paying taxes.

I was raised Christian. As such I believe in many of the tenets of Christianity, though I would say that my belief structure has changed somewhat, and of course I am probably something of an anomaly, given I am a transexual. Perhaps it is my open-mindedness but I find that that my priorities seem to be different than many other Christians whom I guess are of a more “fundamental” faith.

$22M is a lot of money. Especially to be given by an institution that is not supposed to interfere with legal matters (separation of church and state) due to its exemption from legal matters (not paying taxes). So it puzzles me that they can become involved with such matters, effectively lobbying, and yet still be considered a tax-free organization. This effectively has amounted to the prevention of the acknowledgment of legal rights to a particular group of people based on a sexual bias while they continue to exercise their own freedom (to practice as an untaxed institution). It seems to me if you can generate that kind of money to dive into legal matters, it's time to contribute some of that money to the legal system.

And then there's the moral ramifications of this. Spending $22M to keep Tod and Fred and Jane and Jill from getting married and gaining the benefits of marriage (taxes, insurance, etc.) is money that was not spent to feed poor people or to enact community programs to better our youth or tend to our elderly. Is homophobia such a striking priority that this sort of behavior by institutions that are supposed to be ordained by some higher power for the betterment of mankind acceptable? Congratulations, Jack and Jake aren't getting married, but that doesn't mean poor little Tommy gets to eat today.

I'm sure taxing these institutions could generate a small amount of change towards helping our economic crisis.

Either that, or stay out of legal affairs, I think. Oh, and I don't think the thought of marrying multiple wives is fair to the woman, either.

Hello, World

2008-11-13T08:54:00.000-08:00

I begin my blog with this, my first post. For a long time now I have shied away from creating one of these -- I had intended to do it, but I figured I was going to write the software myself. I recently decided that for once I won't try to reinvent the wheel, and I would go with something that is already established -- not to mention that if I were to wait to start a blog until after I'd written blogging software, it'd never get done, not with so many other stuff falling behind as it is.

Since I began transitioning (and in particular, started hormone replacement therapy), I have noticed that my usual methods of doing things just simply not worked. Sitting in my room for hours on end in an attempt to crank out some code or some artwork, and being happy with that as my "life" just doesn't work. Heck, I can't even sit in my cube for long periods of time anymore without much interaction from others (which I'm not getting anyway regardless, so I'm going nuts). I could have always been this way and the hormones have brought that to the surface, or that could just be something that occurs due to taking them, I do not know. I do know that my creative endeavors are suffering pretty badly lately as I'd rather spend my time with a friend, friends, or with my wife.

One thing I am having difficulty fighting is lethargy. If I'm not out with someone I just want to spend all of my time sleeping. Being away from exercise for almost four months due to injury was a detriment, yes, but now I find that I have no tenacity for working out, and when running sixteen miles was a breeze, it takes me a fully conscious effort to do three, usually with breaks in-between, and at paces two minutes slower than I was running at the same time last year. But I'm happy. Good Lord am I happy. And excited. But also impatient. I want things to happen and happen now and be done with, but at the same time I have to make sure that finances are stable.

News. Let's see. Palin: Enough. I really don't like her. And all of the attention she is getting now is ridiculous. Okay, let's branch from this to Republicans in general, 'cause this issue is close to home anyway. Abortion. Y'know, just because Democrats advocate a woman's right to choose, we don't all think that people should run around with hangers to gank women at the earliest (or latest) opportunity. The issue is not black and white. In fact many issues are not black and white, and what is why the majority of Republicans fail. That is why you're not reaching anyone, and that is why you lost so much on November 4th. And hopefully you'll realize this and move forward. The "Faith vote?" That has to be the most ignorant label I've ever seen. I was born and raised Christian and I still think the way I do. And I'm a Democrat. Being a Democrat doesn't make you immoral. Maybe we care more about feeding the poor than whether or not Fred and Tom or Linda and Beth get equal rights under the law.

This leads to a new topic. Gay Marriage. Seriously. Gays aren't destroying the sanctity of marriage, and I feel that anyone who says that really is stupid, ignorant, and close-minded. Look at the heterosexual side of marriage: divorce rates well in excess of 50% often within the first 2 years of marriage; gold-digging (this one I feel is predominantly female dominated, because seriously, how many 20 year old men marry an 80 year old woman trying to get access to their fortune when they die?). A lot of gays get married out of love, and guess what, marriage brings with it certain privileges as observed by Federal and State law. Tax benefits, sharing insurance, etc. That is predominantly what gays want. Now, in my opinion gays should hold off on the "marriage" term for now as a compromise which we can work out later, but this whole "we have to call it marriage absolutely right now" doesn't help and when things get banned, it's because of trying to traverse a mountain instead of first getting over the hill. But who knows what will happen with time. The part that really bothers me is that for some [Republicans], keeping 2 gay people from getting married is more important and more crucial than making sure that everyone in this country can eat, sleep, and be cared for somehow. That's just sad. That's definitely a misinterpretation of the Bible. Remember there're two Testaments in that Bible.

I am totally without focus today. I just want to go home and relax. Maybe I'll post more later.